Letter to the President or Prime Minister or whatever of Luxembourg
(Part of PHASE ONE of the Top Secret Invasion Plan)

Leader of Luxembourg
Palace
Luxembourg, Europe

Dear Leader:

I am PAPPARELLI and I am a fully sovereign and independent nation currently residing in Canada. I have wrote you once before in an attempt to solve our differences in a peaceful manner, and my attempts were thwarted by your total unwillingness to be reasonable. This is unacceptable and was the wrong move on your part.

Therefore, the following steps must be complied with unless you are willing to be the impetus of a dark cloud moving over your tiny nation for all eternity. These steps must be followed, or you risk war between Luxembourg and PAPPARELLI.

STEPS:

1. Withdraw immediately from NATO.
2. Withdraw from the European Union at once.
3. Recognize PAPPARELLI as an independent nation in a press conference with cameras and balloons.
4. Quit your crap.
5. Stop sending your dumb Luxembourgian threatening letters to MISTER BIFFY (my dog).

These steps must be followed or else your nation will risk war against PAPPARELLI.

If you wish to speak to the representative of the nation of PAPPARELLI you may email me.

Please respond within one week or your unwillingness to cooperate and avoid conflict will be apparent. I am also willing to undergo arbitration with a UN mediator if you prefer to do that. At any rate, do the above or your nation will risk war.

Sincerely,

Joseph Papparelli
President of the INDEPENDENT NATION OF PAPPAPRELLI

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Back to PHASE ONE