Joseph Papparelli's™ Wonderful World of Whale-Sex®
Frequently Asked Questions About
This section contains many of the questions we hear most frequently regarding
A whale is an attractive, aquatic mammal. They are found frequently in aquatic settings. Their turn-ons include long walks on the beach and chocolate fondue. Their turn-offs include mass oil slicks and Norwegian whalers.
A whale is an attractive, aquatic mammal. People enjoy frequent sexual relations with whales as they are understanding and sensitive creatures. Whether you are interested in casual encounters or long-term sexual relations, whales are surprisingly accommodating to one’s needs. For more information, see our book review.
Whale-Sex®
is not simply sex with a whale. It is a way of life, and a cultural activity that people from all parts of the world can and should enjoy. As such, a symbol was needed to denote this. As such, the blue writing was adopted in 345 BC by Socrates. Whale-Sex® is an activity that should be free and accessible to all of God’s creatures. It is also a registered trademark of Rat-X Inc.Absolutely not. Not only do studies show that a healthy, glowing complexion can be achieved through early exposure to
Whale-Sex®, it is also proven that over 99% of people have or will at some point in their lives engage in Whale-Sex®. You have nothing to fear, as it is highly unlikely that such a thing would negatively effect a healthy, sane person.It is good that you realize your priest is so horrendously wrong. The bible states in many passages that
Whale-Sex® is not only acceptable to God, but it is in fact the one true path to His kingdom. God commands Whale-Sex® and the videotaping of it in over 600 passages of the Bible. Check out our section on Whale-Sex®, Religion and YOU.Whales, being the indiscriminatory, loving creatures that they are, do not differentiate between sexes… only positions. They are interested in
Whale-Sex® with any person, so long as they are incredibly attractive.There used to be several nations in which
Whale-Sex® was illegal for many years. These were the same morally confused governments that once outlawed erotic pinching and scuttling of ships for sexual pleasure. However, through careful campaigns of total war, moral nations were able to annihilate such barbaric states and all who dwelled within them. In contemporary times, those who speak out against Whale-Sex® or attempt to prevent others from taking part in it can now be prosecuted under human rights law, under penalty of death.Absolutely, although he frequently has trouble fitting the whale under his desk.
You can contact your local branch of the Connoisseurs Of
Whale-Sex® (COWS), or you can phone the following toll-free number for more information: 1-800-WHLE-SEX.Banjo music, rubber gloves, harnesses and ALWAYS wear your seat-belt.
Some scientists do believe this occurs, however, most "evidence" to this time has been very difficult to verify.
Recently, the United Nations asked, in their
first report, for all nations to give 5.2% of their Gross National Product (GNP) for the purposes of establishing a long-term Whale-Sex® program. Also, there are literally billions upon billions of dollars available in grant money in nearly every country at both federal and local levels to aid in the enhancement of Whale-Sex®.Ensure you bring plenty of canned plankton or tuna. Whales are very fond of these food items, depending on whether they are Odotontocetious or not.
This episode is undoubtedly the one in greatest demand. However, is has not yet received a video release due to controversy over some explicit scenes involving Tom Selleck and a beluga. This is despite over 12,000,000 letters to the producers of the show. If you wish to see this hot episode released on video, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to:
Magnum P.I. Whale-Sex® Fan Club (MPIWSFC)1115 Brewster Dr.
El Cerrito, CA 94530
USA
At this time, the Royal Family is rather hesitant to allow the public direct contact with their prized whales, which have been in the family for some 300 years now. This is expected to change within the next 5 years, however. Since Joseph Papparelli™ is such a close friend of the Queen, it may be possible to get close friends in to see and touch the whales, and even possibly to have sex with them.
All the time. Famous people have needs and urges, just like the average anonymous person on the street. Movie producers, actors, heads of state, lawyers, doctors, nurses, teachers, artists, Supreme Court Justices… the list is endless. There are even several pictures that have been taken by tabloid magazines of such individuals as Tom Cruise, James Cameron, Danny DeVito, and Cameron Diaz engaging in
Whale-Sex®.Most cities have specific zoning laws for dealing with
Whale-Sex®. In fact, under both US and Canadian Constitutional Law, it is illegal to prevent people from keeping whales for the specific purpose of Whale-Sex®. For our Canadian friends, see our section on The Canadian Government and Whale-Sex® for more information.Recently, Heritage Minister Sheila Copps announced a program which allows for $5.7 billion to be spent in the year 2000 for
Whale-Sex® as a cultural activity. This will increase 5 fold over the next 3 years. For more information, see our section on The Canadian Government and Whale-Sex®.No. It's mine.
Whales bred in different places yield different results in
Whale-Sex®. For the more timid individual, we recommend a well-disciplined, highly trained whale bred in captivity. For the more adventurous type, we highly recommend a wild whale. They are indeed wild! It all truly depends on the personal taste of the individual.Surprisingly, many people fear being ostracized for partaking in an activity which is healthy and perfectly natural. The simple fact is that nearly everyone finds whales attractive, and almost everyone has engaged in it at some point in their lives. Your friends probably do it very often. Engage in adult dialogue with them and you'll probably find this is the case. For more information on the statistics of
Whale-Sex®, see the results of the UN survey on Whale-Sex®.Unfortunately, no. Any other site that attempts to publish information on Whale-Sex® is subject to fines, imprisonment and civil action as
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